Two Films and a Satisfied me:)

Past two weeks i have gone and watched two films that rekindled my liking for the art of films. I was introduced to Kshay by a random liking by a friend on Facebook. Having read up on the subject that the film was dealing with i was very intrigued as to what form of obsession would they portray the character taking on. I kept a watch on the film traveling all over the globe,the awards it was bagging and the steady facebook marketing that was in place. It was great reading reviews and every once in a while i went back to the video depicting the lakshmi and chhai’s obsession with it!

I ended up watching Gangs of Wasseypur before i got to see Kshay. Call it fate or the timing in Bangalore not working out fine, but i ended up with raw, uncut, bloody, lustful film before Kshay happened. I am no film critic, nor a part of an appreciation club i like going to cinema halls and so i prefer my cinema which is  beyond the daily doses given out to me. I invariably interpret characters and what they convey to me by their dialogues, their actions, their movements. I like the film playing with my stated views on everything about my senses. Gangs of Wasseypur, after a long time, gave me my dose of raw human emotions. The story of revenge and generations going through it did not feel like it was not a story next to me. The music added on perfectly and the lyrics being no holds barred kept me totally engrossed. I was all for the lustful attraction between Sardar and the Bangalan and then later the love stories of his sons. The colloquial sense did keep my senses awake and wanting more of everything. I came out a satisfied girl and went home high on the dialogues “hum shaadi shuda hain, jaanto ho na” and “permission liye the kya”. 

The week after i went for Kshay. With just one show playing, it was a lot of planning and getting the timing right with friends who were as keen. I was happy that we didn’t miss anything from the beginning because i loved the opening scene and then the film just gets better with it. The slow depiction of black and white engaged my visual senses amazingly well. The sub-urban house and how their lives fit into that structure plays with me. How Chhai takes on the role of lakshmi in her life is a steady movement and the growth of her obsession is bang on. Rasika has a lovely smile that plays on very well when she sees any of the lakshmi pictures, locket etc. I go through her life with her small smiles, her obsession, her frustration seamlessly. The narrative is perfect for me and the black and white innovation does do the trick for me. The screen plays slowly even for the story surging ahead and the games of the psyche become so clear that it starts to play with my mind. Obsession in its purest form comes through so fluidly that Alekh’s last two scenes are perfectly synchronized for me. I cringed a bit, got saddened at times but mostly was captured by the moving scenes of her  manifestation of the goddess in her life. The corroding is so real that i can almost relate to the obsession to some part or other of me at different times! The music reminds me of requim of a dream, but unlike that film this one does not leave me disturbed but feel obsession. 

I left the hall discussing with another watcher why the scenes about Alekh hallucination in the end fits in and all i said was “you got to relate to obsession and ones love for the other to understand why that scenes fit in.”

 

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In this one year.

I am coming back to writing on my blog page after more than a year! That’s not too much of good but then again   i gave a lot to this past one year. I learnt a lot more, i traveled new places, i reconnected with myself. I do intend to write more often now, get the thoughts down in words, write more about things i see and more importantly i feel.

I learnt about myself that i truly can take on completely unknown new stuff. Right from the time i pursued law, i have been on with stuff totally unrelated to legal studies. Joining work that i loved seemed like the most natural thing to do. One year into work taking on something that is not my “core domain knowledge” taught me that i do actually have the innate capability to learn amazingly fast and become a knowledge holder. It translates into something very strong about myself- the fact that i can do new stuff every time i want to.

I traveled a lot during this past year. I did some really fun trips while i was in Delhi packing my bags and just heading out and lot of work trips. I learnt that i trust almost impromptu and as much as this can hurt it’s been a wonderful experience all this while. I traveled with people i “hardly knew” and went over to people i “hardly knew”. All the time its been wonderful experiences and so much fun. Trusting people is a cool thing to do, i learnt.

I transformed new friendships into long lasting relationships. As my first work place and a city i wasn’t too sure of, i met amazing new people and made friends. They have now become relationships for life and i learnt i am not that bad a person after all.

I learnt what office culture is about, how feelings and emotions are still a part of the cultural blood at small and socially driven organisations. I saw colleagues leave and learnt that corporate culture is very different from the socially driven organisations. I learnt that questions like “how are you driving a larger social agenda” become critical in the space i am working in. That these questions matter to every person who is a part of this movement.

I tried change. I experimented with change at a personal level, i moved out of the comfort zone i had set for myself and it did not work out perfect. I learnt a city grows on you and at the same time  you can come back to a familiar place like a perfect stranger! I realized distances become exponential and i can get lonely.

I met some really wonderful people along the way. I had moments and days of unexpected bliss and it helped me with my personal pain.

I fell in love and it broke a lot of my personal myths. I was of course also stupid and stupidly fearful of losing him and did not tell him enough how much he had become to me and did mange to lose him at the end. I am now waiting to fall out of the love i felt for this man. I also learnt i ain’t cut out for rebounds and that sex is totally over rated for me.

I started visiting my folks more often and realized they are getting older and i want more time with them even if it means spending most of it just convincing them why marriage is not my ultimate settling down plan.

I feared for my little brother more as he got into accidents and every time i learnt life really is that sensitive.

I saw a lot of close friends get married- arranged and love both. I saw the movement from apprehensions to acceptance of the idea to the pen ultimate question- why the hell am i doing this? I was a part of merriment, beautiful colors, grandeur and celebrations. I saw the pheras ceremony closely and it moved me- the vows that the two people take. I learnt that i am not there yet, mentally, to get into the institution.

I read some really interesting books. Stories that took me into a realm of characters and what we make of them. A lot of these stories made me want a home in the mountains and a baby.

I reconnected with friends i thought i had lost for life. But they walked right back in and its beautiful having them back.

I got a new tattoo and realized my threshold for pain somehow is a test for my mind as to how much i can really endure. Surprisingly its not so strong when it comes to the matters of the heart.

I lied at a lot of personal levels and am always hoping it doesn’t hurt me too much in the longer run.

I got truly inspired by the entrepreneur stories around me and have my own dream shaping up.

I put a closure on a chapter in my life and it feels good personally. I also learnt i will give it all up for a man i really fall for. I can hold my ground in my profession, nobody can challenge me there,but i will bow down to a mans will in my personal life.

The last one year has been an amazing roller coaster ride and such a rush. And now i want to get back to writing more.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

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